I remember an eating disorders support group — and by that I mean people supporting the disorder, not its cure — claiming that those who do not starve themselves are “addicted to food”. I also knew a woman who believed men were addicted to orgasms. I will neither confirm nor deny the veracity of the latter claim. But there’s definitely an overlapping Venn diagram between needs and addictions — social media, for example.
My suspension yesterday on Facebook for allegedly breaking community standards for advertising (?) was a real wake-up call. At first, I thought it was due to arguably inflammatory rhetoric on political pages. Or maybe people who didn’t like what I said trolled my profile to find things to report. I’ve known people who brag about being able to get people’s accounts suspended or closed. I also know it’s a crapshoot more than a censorship conspiracy, given all the times people deserved it (and often didn’t get hit), while other times flowers are considered nudity and jokes are considered false information.
But it’s not about that. I know my social media habits were habitual, and Reels has sucked more time that it should in recent months, but I never realized how MANY times I hit the F icon on my phone until now. I’m suffering withdrawal. I feel disconnected from everyone, and understandably so, since it’s the primary form of discourse at this time in human history. I’m personally dependent on it. I use it to communicate, organize, educate, and yes, sometimes promote myself. I rarely use other means outside of in-person contact, and even blogging is a pale comparison in terms of scope or reach. Most of my friends and acquaintances don’t follow my blogs or subscribe to my newsletter. A mild form of panic sets in as I realize what I can’t do. I can’t even tell people I’m suspended! I wonder how many people think I blocked them — the usual reason you can’t see someone’s profile. People are waiting for the announcement of my newest book, some wanting to pre-order. There are also events I need to post about for fraternal activities.
But it rightfully feels like addiction as well. I know it’s a distraction and an imbalance in the use of my time. Sure, I love cure dog videos and that improves my quality of life far moree than the political diatribes I get sucked into in between. I love Anatoly, the weightlifting champion who trolls people at the gym, pretending to be a lowly cleaner. But I find it hard to turn away from Karens gone wild, police car chases, and other stress-inducing narratives. The cute, the bad, and the ugly.
Today, I’ve been more productive than about 95% of any other weekday, simply because I can’t check in. Part of me wants to be disconnected, especially in the current condition of society, where Dagobah may be a safer choice than Coruscant. Part of me thinks it’s Sisyphean to push truth or reason at a world of growing Orwellian double-speak. Let others do it, or at least remember it’s not all on my shoulders alone. And I really do like to engage in positive interactions and post positive messages. It’s just so hard to separate the baby from the bathwater, the dogs from the doomscrolling, the necessity from the addiction.
This is causing me to recalibrate. Just like fasting makes you aware of your relationship with food, this is making me want to balance my digital diet. I don’t want to tune out, but I don’t want to stay on the same frequency. Like with recent writing publishing, I will get some subjects out of my system and focus on inspirational and educational projects. I just have to figure out how not to violate advertising standards on Facebook.